Office Christmas Party Planning Gone Wrong
Do you have "Christmas Parties" where you work? Or do you have "Holiday Parties"? Or "Winter Celebration" Parties? It's wonderful to take a break from work, and to enjoy social interaction with your fellow workers. Of course, this means begin tolerant of others.
Funny Office Christmas Party Story
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
I'm happy to announce to you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at the Old West Open Pit Barbecue restaurant. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols. You can even sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Betsy Miller. Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However,from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Betsy Miller. Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, we will not be doing the gifts exchange. No gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money to spend.
Betsy Miller. Human Resources Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Betsy Miller. Human Resources Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
People, people. Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Betsy Miller. Human Resources Director
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
Attention Vegetarians!. I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at the Old West Open Pit Barbecue restaurant whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from "the grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
Besty Lilmer. Hmanu reSurces Drctrctr
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES:
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Betsy Miller, our Human Resource Director a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Leslie Howard. Acting Human Resources Director
"All I Need to Know I Learned From a Snowman"
(It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.)
* Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
* Wearing white is always appropriate.
* Winter is the best of the four seasons.
* It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
* There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.
* The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.
* We're all made up of mostly water.
* You know you've made it when they write a song about you.
* Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
* Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.
* It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your
feet.
* It's fun to hang out in your front yard.
* There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.