Not Funny During Surgery

Going into surgery is serious stuff. Life and Death. What happens when surgery becomes a funny place? Well, funny for who? Funny surgeon one-liners. And funny things you definitely do not want to hear in surgery if you are the patient lying on the operating table!

Funny Doctors in Surgery

Better save that.  We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that . . . uh . . . that uh . . . thingie.

Oops!  Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

Rats, there goes the lights again . . . Nurse!

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys.  Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Max! MAX! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Oh, no! Anybody seen my Rolex?

This is surgery. I hate it when there's stuff missing.


funny man with stethoscope

Let me ask your opinion, nurse...

I thought we started with four clamps?

Has anyone ever seen one of these?

What do you mean, it's upside down?

Oh, man! I think I'm gonna be sick.

Is that supposed to be yellow?

I learned that when I studied to be a vet.

Not bad for someone who failed med school.

What does the AMA know? I still think I can do it.

Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?

They never let us practice on real people in med school.

This surgery proves that aliens have taken over our bodies.

Don't worry, he'll never know. He's out!

Okay, make a wish and pull.

Back in a minute. Gotta put more money in the meter.

What he doesn't know won't hurt us.

Uh, ya want fries with that?

Who ordered the pepperoni?

Tilt that TV this way nurse. I can't see the game.

The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this.

Funny Doctors in Surgery

Oh, yeah? If you think you're so good, you do it!

Everybody stand back!!!   I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating?  It's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here in the surgery?

That's cool !  Now can you make his leg twitch?

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, Schmeril.  The floor's clean, right?

Anyone seen where I left that scalpel?

OK, now take a picture from this angle.  This is truly a freak of nature.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry.  I think it's sharp enough.

Rats !  Page 47 of the manual is missing !

She's gonna blow !  Everyone take cover !!!


FIRE !  FIRE !  Everyone get out !!!

funny man in hospital gown

The Best Surgical Patient

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.  The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!  Everything inside them is color-coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.  Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong.  Politicians are the easiest to operate on.  There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and tail are interchangeable."

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