What Does Mid-Life Really Mean?

Mid-Life means that the upper arms disappear. Instead, people turn into flying squirrels. Mid-Life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like "splat"! Mid-Life is when you go to the doctor and realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked. Mid-Life brings you the wisdom, that "life throws you curves" and you're now sitting on your biggest ones. The good news about Mid-Life is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

man eating a donut

Check List for Mid-Life Crisis:

  • Consider that Bungee Jump on your bucket-list, then move to the refrigerator instead.

  • Look at your teeth in the mirror, brush, floss, then head off to the refrigerator for a bowl of ice cream, some hot fudge chocolate, a few walnuts, and a cherry on top.

  • Open your cabinet to be sure you have plenty of "Over 50 Vitamins", Vitamin E, Vitamin B, Geritol速, and hot flash herbal treatments, then turn to the refrigerator and reach for a couple of slices of that DiGiorno Pizza速 left over from Tuesday night.  Add salt and red pepper flakes.

supreme pizza
  • Reach for your phone to schedule an appointment for that awesome heart tattoo you saw on the late night infomercial, pause to consider your actions, then get off the sofa, slide over to the refrigerator and pull out that bag of frozen chocolate chunk cookies you put in the freezer to keep yourself from eating them all at once.  Enjoy.  Remember to bite slowly so as not to break a tooth. Again.

  • Start your morning at the bath room mirror, counting the new white hairs since yesterday. Don't forget your glasses. When you arms tire, shuffle down the hall to the kitchen, open the refrigerator, and scour it for leftover bacon. It's in there. You can smell it.

Mid-Life Crisis Defined

A Mid-Life Crisis begins with baldness and ends with all loss of common sense.

A Mid-Life Crisis:  Because you may have nothing better to do.

When facing a mid-life crisis, dress up and become "The Fonze", you'll feel better.  "Ehhhh"!

You know you are facing a mid-life crisis if you are older than the internet.

Plan your finances well early in life, otherwise you'll have to wait until you're 72 to begin your mid-life crisis.

middle aged man with glasses closeup


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