Life Explained by God

When God created the world, he also created the dog, the monkey, and the cow.  It's a simple story, told through the eyes of the dog, the monkey, and the cow, and their conversations with God during creation.

God Created the Dog

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

black laborador dog

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, Do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

And that's how life is explained through God's creation.


Science Confirms Dogs Love Us

Science has confirmed that dogs love us back, because they get the same rush of Oxycontin when they look at us that we get when we look at them.

No, really!

Are you telling me dogs look up at us and see us adorable?

The dog is thinking: I am a fuzzy creature and your a different adorable creature. And you smell interesting. I love you!

attentive dog

(The cat is thinking: I am a graceful leader to be worshiped. You should bow when I enter the room.)

This explains why superior cats occasionally try to bathe us.

It's true. Cats see us giant, dumb, hairless babies. That's why they bring us half-dead mice, birds, and other prey. To teach us how to hunt and eat properly.

That's why they attack when we rub their bellies. That's how parents teach kittens to defend themselves.

That's also why they meow. Cats communicate with other adults on a frequency we cannot hear, but they meow at kittens because their ears aren't yet fully developed.

They even have a specialized a set of meows used only for humans, since we are clearly nearly deaf babies.

Basically, we're all dumb kittens.

yellow tabby cat winking

Isn't it fantastic that dogs love us in spite of our shortcomings!

Unreservedly and constantly!!

Regardless of our smell!!!

We're still interesting!

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