Preacher's Email Surprise

Ever send an email to the wrong place? Ever get an email that wasn't yours? Not spam, just not yours? Like when I received confirmation of my Pizza Deliver Order, except I didn't order any pizza at all. And the local store that would make the delivery was 1284 miles away from my house?

Email Surprise

The preacher's wife got a very surprising email from him. She did not respond well.

Mr. Wilfred Johnson, a businessman from Provo Utah, went on a business trip to San Diego California. He promptly sent an email back home to his wife, Teresa Johnson.

Unfortunately, he typed one letter incorrectly, and the email ended up going to a Mrs. Tonya Johnson of Spokane Washington, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away.

The preacher's wife took one look at the email and promptly fainted.

When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read:

"Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

suitcase mail trunk

Email Error Messages

"Random Error Just to Annoy You"

"Error 400: Bad Request" "That's right, you hit the wrong key." "Now go back an type it correctly and we'll let you access your email."

"An error occurred displaying the previous error."

"Windows is unable to connect the internet."
"Windows is lonely and can't check it's email or download cookies."
"Windows wants a cookie."
"Give Windows a cookie now."
"Do you know what Windows does to people who refuse Windows a cookie?

"500 Internal Server error." "Something went wrong." A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation." When you see them, show them this error code:  a78er-wkljerhjh-DDdorei472-A89eeew00i-aearae-AEdvee-123."

Virus Warning Emails:

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also DELETE anything on thumb drives and disks WITHIN 20 FEET of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, destroys the tracking on your DVD player, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It also reprograms all your mp3 and iTunes® files, mixing Pink Floyd music with Madonna vocals, and Tommy Emanuel guitar music with Nirvana vocals.

It will program your telephone to automatically call only 1-800 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank, and lower the thermometer in your living room to 38 degrees in the winter, and raise it to 92 degrees in the summer.

It will cause your toilet to flush repeatedly while you are showering, and use up all of your hot water.

It will drink ALL your BEER. Yes.  ALL OF IT.  Even the stash in the garage cupboard.

Pay attention, this is crucially important!

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine®.

If the "Bedtimes" message is opened in your email accessed through an Internet Explorer® browser, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove those "DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF LAW" tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your Skim milk pitcher with whole milk and a dash of Hershey's® Chocolate Syrup.


In fact, if you don't send this to 5000 people in the next 30 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite your computer wires, fry your modem, and reduce your mouse and keyboard to smoldering lumps of burned plastic!

BTW:  If you are a blonde, this is a joke.

"BTW" means "By the Way", in case you really are blonde.

mouse and graphic

Email Passwords

I changed all my passwords to "incorrect" so whenever I forget them, it will tell me "Your password is incorrect".

"I don't know why my email keeps getting hacked. Everyone I give my password to says it's very secure."

"My life is a series of lost passwords and missed opportunities."

"Someone figured out my email password, so now I have to rename my dog."

"I didn't do my homework because I forgot my email password."

"I forgot the password to the file where I keep all my passwords."

"The computer forgot my password!"

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