Duck Hunting on Ice Covered Lake
What happens when you mix a new Lincoln Navigator, an ice covered lake, your trusted hunting lab "Blue", and dynamite. Yes, you can see this one coming. It's reportedly a true report of an incident in Michigan. (Could be Minnesota, Wisconsin, Winnipeg, Ottawa, or anywhere ice Fishing is popular)
Bob buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $62,500 and has $790 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog Blue, and drive the new Navigator on to the ice too.
They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40- second fuse.
Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog?
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice.
The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. Blue stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $790 a month payments!!
And you thought your day was not going well?
Wrong Way Highway
Harold Hansen was driving in his car across Chicago on the Dan Ryan Expressway, and got a call from his wife Betty on his cell phone. She was really frantic and yelled:
“Honey, I just heard on the news that some nut is in a car going the wrong way on the Dan Ryan! Be careful!”
He replied, “Betty, you just won't believe it! There isn’t just one care going the wrong way, there are hundreds of them!”
Let's Try Ice Fishing
There were two good ol' boys from southern Georgia who just loved to fish. They wanted to do some ice fishing that they'd heard about in Canada, so they took off to try it.The lake was frozen nicely, so they stopped just before they got to the lake at a bait shop and got all their bait and tackle.
Bubba Joe said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
After they got their equipment, they took off.
In about two hours, Bubba was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
He sold him the picks, and the good ol' boy left.
In about an hour, he was back at the shop again and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The shop owner couldn't believe it. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the stupid boat in the water yet."
Ice Fisherman are Respectful
Kent and three of his buddies have gone ice fishing every Saturday during the winter for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are ice fishing along a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Kent lays down his rod, steps out of the fish house, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Kent sits down, puts his hat on and drops his line without saying a word. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of em finally speaks up and says, "that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by." Kent replied, "It seems the least I could do seeing as how I've been married to the woman for over forty years!"
Ice Fisherman's Secrets to a Good Catch
Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.
Jethro asks, Billy Bob, what's your secret?
Billy Bob answers, Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm.
Jethro asks, What did you say?
Billy Bob answers, Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm.
Jethro again asks, What?
Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, You gotta keep the worms warm!