A Beautiful Message About Growing Old

Growing old . . .That's right, it's something about growing old.
What was that beautiful message?
I just had it a minute ago.
It was such a beautiful message too!
Boy I hate that!
Now I can't remember the message!!

The Special Advantages that Come with Age

  • Things that you buy now won't wear out.
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
  • In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
  • You can sing along with elevator music.(Boy that sounds familiar)
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
  • You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.
  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.
  • You can sing along with elevator music.
  • There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.  
  • No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
  • You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.
  • People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you???? "
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.
  • You can sing along with elevator music.(That sounds familiar)
  • Your eyes won't get too much worse.

older man pondering

Life Long Card Buddies

Two aging little ladies had been friends since their 20s. They were "card buddies". Now in their 80s, they still got together a couple of times a week to play cards. One day they were playing gin rummy and one of them said, "You know, we’ve been friends for many years and, please don't get mad, but for the life of me, I can't remember your name. Please tell me what it is."

Her friend glared at her. She continued to glare and stare at her for at least three minutes. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Time for My Annual Physical

"I went to the doctor for my annual physical last week"

"The nurse asked me how much I weighed. I told her I weighed 135 pounds. Then she weighed me and the scale said 160."

"She asked me how tall I was. I said, '5 feet, 5 inches.' She measured me and I was only 5 feet, 3 inches tall"

"Then she took my blood pressure and told me it was high."

"Of course my blood pressure is high," I said.

"When I came in here I was tall and slender."

"Now I'm short and fat!"

Visiting the Hospital in Old Age

According to hospital regulations, patients are required to be escorted out of the hospital in a wheelchair when being discharged. A student nurse was having some trouble with an elderly gentleman who insisted that he did not need a wheelchair.

After some discussion about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed. As she was wheeling him out, the student nurse asked the man if his wife was going to pick him up.

"I don't know," he replied.

"She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

old man in wheelchair

Driving Safety and Awareness

A woman getting up in years was driving with her friend. She drove right through a red light. The friend didn't say anything. But then she drove right through another one. The friend said, "Do you realize you just went through two red lights?"

Oh," she said.

"Was I driving?"

Old Enough for a Hearing Aid

The elderly gentleman next door was talking to his neighbor, telling him all about the new hearing aid he just got.

"It cost a fortune, but it was worth it. It works perfectly."

"Really," said the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Ten thirty."

two old men talking

Old Friends

Two old guys were sitting under a tree, watching the sun go down. One says:

"You know, I'm 86 years old and my body is full of aches and pains. You're about my age. How do you feel?"

The other guy says, "Oh, I feel like a newborn baby."

"Really," says the first guy.

"Yes indeed," says the second one. "No teeth, no hair, and I think I just wet my pants."

Listen Carefully When You Get Older

An 78 year old man went to the doctor for a physical. A few days later the doctor saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The next time the doctor saw him he asked how he was doing.

"Great," said the old guy. "I did just what you told me.

"Get a hot momma and be cheerful."

"I didn't say that," said the doctor.

"I said, "You've got a heart murmur. Be careful."

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