Being a Beautiful Woman.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, please no bags,
Please lift my butt before it sags.

Being a Beautiful Woman:

Please no age spots, please no gray,
And as for my belly, please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, for all you've done.

To Be a Beautiful Woman:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

mom son kiss

To Be a Beautiful Woman:

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

To Be a Beautiful Woman:

Remember, if you ever need As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

~ Attibuted to Sam Levenson (often quoted by Audry Hepburn)

Choosing to Be a Beautiful Woman

As the story goes, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded to the question posed by the gym in an open letter, taping it next to the poster.

whale pair mom calf

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded and published CD's of their voices. They are incredible creatures with virtually no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids, on the other hand, do not exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they?  Just look at them, they are not equipped. Therefore, they don't have kids and the joys of motherhood either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:  I want to be a whale.


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