Funny Airline Dictionary

According to the airline dictionary, what do words mean? For example, Fog. A natural weather phenomenon usually occurring around airports while surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by airlines to delay flights. What are your favorite airline words & phrases?

Airline Dictionary

CARRY-ON BAGGAGE - An item of unusually large dimensions that only fits under the seat when traveling to your destination, never on your return trip home. (Refrigerators, motorcycles, console TVs and Toyota's are not considered acceptable carry on baggage.)

FLIGHT SCHEDULE - This airline word phrase is an entertaining fictional work designed to provide a place for adverting copy of related businesses.

ALTERNATE AIRPORT - The special target landing area just beyond the active runway used when your engine fails upon takeoff.

airline cockpit view landing

PASSENGER - A herding creature of widely varying intelligence, usually found in pairs or small groups. They are sometimes known to become vicious and violent in simple, easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused, creatures collect into a group called a line . . . with no set pattern, often formed in very inconvenient places. Passengers often fall into one of four known species: Paxus Iratus, Paxus Latus, Paxus Inebriatus, or Paxus Stupifi.

PRE-BOARD - Any passenger who needs assistance with boarding, who arrives at the gate 5 minutes before departure time.  One of the original words in the airline dictionary.

SIGN - An airport decoration which usually goes unnoticed except by small children.  Often filled with airline specific words, like "ticketed passengers only", or "First Class".

More Airline Dictionary Definitions

A.T.C. - This acronym is short for the airline words Air Traffic Control.  A game played by pilots and air traffic controllers. Neither group knows the rules, but it is played to prevent flights from being on time.

"THIS POSITION CLOSED" - "CLOSED" - or "NEXT POSITION" - A ticket counter sign interepreted by passengers to mean: "Form Line Here".  These airline words were added to the airline dictionary back in the 1960's.

FOG - A natural weather phenomenon usually occurring around airports while surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by airlines to delay flights.  Fog is not to be confused with "bog", a wet, spongy area near surrounding wetlands.

foggy airport cockpit view

TICKET AGENT or CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT- A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of a pack of pedigree Australian sheepdog, the understanding of a psychoanalyst, the extra-sensory abilities of Uri Geller, the tact of Henry Kissinger, mystical abilities to control wind, rain, and fog, and the ability to answer 3 questions at the same time out of 1 mouth. In later life, usually seen in bars or carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves in parks and rest homes.

CONTROL TOWER - A small shack on stilts at smaller airports, a much larger and more roust silhouette upon the sky at larger airports. It is staffed by Federal Government retirees who have lost their hearing over the years. When they also become blind they are transferred to regional air traffic control centers.

HOLDING PATTERN - An invention of airlines and oil companies, in conjunction with government agencies. Each group plays a crucial role, with often competing goals and expectations. Airlines use holding patterns to reduce their need to lease more gate space at the terminal, and therefore save more money. Oil companies are willing supporters of holding patterns for the obvious, they make more money selling Jet-A aircraft fuel. Government agencies hold special expertise in requiring additional airline reporting, yes, red tape, for every delay. This creates a need to hire more government employees to capture, track, and collate all this data, and the opportunity to raise taxes to pay for it.

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