Customer Service: [noun] "assistance, advice, and other resources that a company provides to the people who buy or use its products or services." Or not. Let's face it, we all have funny customer service stories. And "Customer Service" and "Sarcasm" are natural allies.
"Don't worry, our staff is accustomed to dumb
Our Customer Service Policy
We offer service three ways:
"Elevator is out of service."
"Please use elevator."
What is Customer Service?
"Yes, I work in Customer Service. That means you can abuse me, and use my as a verbal punching bag. This will make me much more likely to do whatever you want when you scream your demands at me."
Unhappy with My Customer Service Response?
"I you are dissatisfied with the service I have provided today, please hold. I will be happy to transfer you to our Customer Service Manager to voice your complaint. Please stay on the line for Mr. Dialtone."
Ancient Egyptian Customer Service
"Why yes Mr. Habib, that is correct. You have faithfully served the Pharaoh these many years. In reward for you loyal service, you will be honored. As the Pharaoh is being mummified in preparation for his journey to the afterlife, you too shall be honored."
"What, no, no, this is no problem whatsoever."
"Yes, we are ready to start the process immediately."
"Yes, it is indeed a great honor. For your loyal and faithful service to Pharaoh, we will be most honored to begin your own mummification process. Please consider this the highest level of service which we may provide to you today!
"So I said to the customer:"
"Would you mind if I put you on hold?"
NOTICE: PLEASE RING BELL AND WAIT
If that doesn't work PULL.
If that doesn't work . . .
WE MUST BE CLOSED
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