Kids & Church
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all
the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the
way his mother cooked.
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I
don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a
baby-sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one
little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when
they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in
the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and
said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a
pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked
his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't
know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right!
She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of
school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says
happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says
happens at home!
A little girl became restless
as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to
her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he
let us go?"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you
know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you
keep crossing things out?"
A father took his 5-year-old son to several baseball games where The
Star-spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the
father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before
Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-spangled Banner, and
after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY
BALL!!!"
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
service: "And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who
passed trash against us."
After a church service on Sunday Morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I
grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well,"
said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I
figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen."
A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on
Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their
letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, "Dear God, We
had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.
The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle,
carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to
sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you”
A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had
learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his
mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The
Cross I'd Bear."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground,
Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the
Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that
if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.
"Bobby looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't
say you weren't warned."
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