Kids learn their Bible stories from parents, teachers in Sunday School, and sometimes from their big brother or big sister. And when a small child repeats the story they heard, sometimes they insert words they know, for the ones they have never heard of.
Kids Bible Quotes
1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark out of gophers, and the animals came in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people, and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh Commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew King who was skilled at playing the Liar. He found the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, on of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three Wise Guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the Manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on His head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the Opossums was St. Mathew who was also a taxidermist.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
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