Have you ever tried to give a cat a pill? It's easy, right? Actually it's a very simple process. You just need to think like a cat. Put yourself in the shoes, okay, the paws of your little kitten. How would you react if someone 15 times bigger than you reached for your face and tried to stuff something in your mouth?
How to Give a Cat a Pill:
What you need is a simple step-by-step process to give a cat a pill. You're come to the right place. Following are the instructions you need to safely and effectively give your cat a pill. It can be fun, a bonding experience for you both. Maybe. Perhaps.
1. Grasp your cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop the pill in its mouth.
2. Retrieve your cat from the top of lamp and the pill from under sofa.
3. Follow the same procedure as in Step 1, but hold your cat's front paws down with your left hand and their back paws down with the elbow of your right arm. Poke the pill into its mouth with your right forefinger.
4. Retrieve your cat from under the bed. Get a new pill from the bottle. (resist the impulse to get new cat.)
5. Again proceed as in Step 1, except when you have your kitty cat firmly cradled in the bottle-feeding position, sit on the edge of the chair, fold your torso over your cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open your cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw & pop the pill in - quickly! Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing. That's just as well.
6. Leave your cat hanging on the drapes. Leave the pill in your hair.
7. If you are a woman, have a good cry. If you are a man, have a good cry.
8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve your cat & the pill. Assuming position 1 again, say sternly, "Who's the boss here anyway?" Open your cat's mouth, take the pill & ....Oooops!
9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse & think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
10. Crawl slowly to the linen closet. Drag back a large beach towel. Spread the towel on the floor.
11. Retrieve your cat from the kitchen counter and the pill from the potted plant.
12. Spread your cat on the towel near one end with its head over the long edge.
13. Flatten your cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (resist the impulse to flatten your cat.)
14. Roll your cat in the towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man - or woman!
15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to your cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
16. Drop the pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done!
17. Vacuum up the loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to the wounds (yours).
18. Take two aspirins and lie down.
Cat Joke One Liners Quotes
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
In the eyes of the cat, all things belong to the cat.
And the corollary: Ever single item in your house is a cat toy. Especially if it jingles, jangles, sqeeks, blows in the breeze, smells like tuna or catnip, tastes like the baby, or moves in any way by itself - like the DVD tray opening by your television.
When a cat adopts you, it is really saying it welcomes you to live in it's house with you, because after all, you are there to serve it's every whim.
Dogs believe they are human, cats believe they are the Supreme Being.
How to Clean Your Toilet (yes, with the cat)
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. Really.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
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