Have
You Pondered?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods
until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
buy a
replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the width &
depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no
one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention
to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world
is weird and they take Prozac to make it normal.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?
How is it one
careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Why doesn't glue
stick to the inside of the bottle?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think
I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
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