Doggy
Dictionary
(As described through the eyes of your dog)
LEASH: A strap which attaches
to your collar, enabling you to lead
your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the
guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do
this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the
drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your
nose as close as you can to the other dog and inhale deeply, repeat
several times, or until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put
out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind
legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you
are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume
and moldy crusts of bread.
Doggy
Dictionary (cont.)
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise
machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic
benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run
alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the
bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want
them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at
the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans
remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn
them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your
eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy
filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get
bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house
until your person comes home.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins
are to people. After eating it is
polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your
whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls
and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
Doggy
Dictionary (cont.)
LEAN: Every good dog's
response to the command "sit!", especially
if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective
before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are
drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump
doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when
combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without
restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail.
If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
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Dictionary
