Doggy Dictionary
(As described
through the eyes of your dog)
LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead
your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in
the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living
room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't.
To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look
sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their
laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place
your nose as close as you can to the other dog and inhale
deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you
stop.
GARBAGE
CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to
test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to
push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are
rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume
and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to
control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide
behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a
few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes,
and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person
want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring
blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction,
or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is
necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling
uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following
at their heels.
WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy
wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the
papers all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is
polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your
whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor,
walls
and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and
frequently.
LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!",
especially
if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly
effective
before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are
drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular
Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially
effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
without
restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your
tail.
If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
#
# #
