Families are a lot like fudge. Mostly sweet with a few nuts. Dads and Moms raising kids, from babies in diapers, through those funny childhood, adolescence, and teenage years. What's your favorite funny family story. Share it with us, change the names to protect the innocent, or guilty, and see it here!
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something else.
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my shape to keep. Please no wrinkles, please no bags, And please lift my butt before it sags. Please no age spots, please no gray.
That's right. Parents sometimes lie to their children. All in good fun. Like their stories about the monsters under the bed, of why they shouldn't play with their belly buttons.
George and his wife Bessie went to the county fair every year. This was their "big" event of the year. In fact, it was the closest thing they ever had to a vacation. And each year . . .
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw was aching in anticipation.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk . . . crash?
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone.
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt.
A Child's View of Birth
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so. The mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
"Spank him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place."
The average parent has eaten their weight in Girl Scout Cookies. The average parent has at least 2 pizza delivery companies on their speed dial.
Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic.
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is?" "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out of the door.
One thing I can't remember when I stand at the foot of the stair, Was I going up or down?
0 Susanna, 0 don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama with a band-aid on my knee!
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.