New Darwin Award Nominees
(see
Darwin Awards)
Hard to
believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the
Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the
persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves
from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the
gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was
killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a
"farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a
troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the
other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot
himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a
ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed
instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he
drew it to his ear. (No Southern jokes please, it's just One of those
"Things that Make you Go 'Hmmmmmm' ")
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety
of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with
his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion
Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of
the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has
conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police
reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told
the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest"
members of the 200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian
province getting into the awards.... The Maritimes always have been
heavily involved.)
New Darwin Award
Nominees (cont.)
Nominee No. 5:
[Bloomberg News Service]:
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation
are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas
emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large
amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily
of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was
just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in
his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his
bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't
have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight
bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge
capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got
sick, and one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a
murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison.
While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small
TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. (South Carolina
entrants are always perennial favorites.)
Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal
explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter
to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when
the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at
about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber
muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the
lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the
accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional
Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the
balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if
people are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)
New Darwin Award
Nominees
(cont.)
Finally, THE
WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup
truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State
Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported
the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des
Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des
Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's
pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck
had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed
that the 22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse
box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded
on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole
in the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident,
but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis
sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his privates
off, or we might both
be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part
of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those
two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure
as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued
that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
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Darwin Award Nominees
