WE'RE
ALWAYS RIGHT Inc.
A Division of I-Can't-Hear-You Ltd.
TO: All Employee
FROM: Vice President Finance and BC*
SUBJECT: Revised Corporate Travel Policy
DATE: Today
Due to rising expenses and budget constraints, the
following corporate policies are being implemented
immediately for all employees traveling on company
business:
Transportation:
Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is highly
encouraged. Orange safety vests will be provided upon
request. Bus service is a reasonable alternative to other
higher cost means of travel. Airline tickets will only be
authorized in extreme circumstances, and only the lowest
fares will be used, regardless of routing or number of
stops.
Lodging:
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or
friends while on company business. If weather permits,
public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used
as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide shelter in
periods of inclement weather. Tents may be used, but
should be carefully placed to prevent placement in areas
where fees are charged or fines may be possible.
Meals:
 Meal
expenses are cut to the absolute minimum. It should be
noted that some grocery chains often provide free samples
of promotional items. Sometimes entire meals may be
obtained in this manner. Travelers should also become
familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein
sources available enroute to their destination. If
restaurants must be utilized, travelers should seek places
offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will
be especially cost effective for employees traveling
together, as a single plate could be used to feed an
entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their
own food while on company business. Cans of tuna, Spam,
Pork-n-Beans, Beef-a-Roni, etc. can be conveniently
consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of
heating or other costly preparation.
Entertainment:
Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged. If
such extravagances are required on customer contacts, the
customer should be encouraged to "pick up the
tab". Such action will save the company money, and
will convince the customers that we are concerned about
providing a good product, not spending money on useless
frivolities.
The hospitality provided to customers who visit our
facilities should also be tasteful, yet cost effective. In
lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic bench will be
provided in the parking lot, next to the dumpster, and a
garden hose will be made available so that liquid
refreshment can be furnished to our guests.
Miscellaneous:
All employees are encouraged to employ innovative
techniques in our team effort to save corporate dollars.
One enterprising individual has already suggested that
money raised during airport layover periods could be used
to defray travel costs. Tips can be earned by helping
others with their luggage. Also, when in a restaurant
don't forget to pick up things like packs of sugar and
packaged condiments for our company cafeteria.
New York * Rome * Los
Angeles * Tokyo
*BC : Bean Counting
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