WE'RE ALWAYS
RIGHT Inc.
A Division of I-Can't-Hear-You Ltd.
TO: All Employee
FROM: Vice President Finance and BC*
SUBJECT: Corporate Travel Budget Cuts
DATE: Today
Due to rising expenses and budget constraints, the following corporate
policies are being implemented immediately for all employees traveling
on company business:
Transportation:
Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is highly encouraged.
Orange safety vests will be provided upon request. Bus service is a
reasonable alternative to other higher cost means of travel. Airline
tickets will only be authorized in extreme circumstances, and only the
lowest fares will be used, regardless of routing or number of stops.
Lodging:
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while
traveling on
company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and
parking lots should be used as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide
shelter in periods of inclement weather. Tents may be used, but should
be carefully placed to prevent placement in areas where fees are
charged or fines may be possible.
Meals:
 Meal
expenses are cut to the absolute minimum to meet the budget.
It should be noted that some
grocery chains often provide free samples of promotional items.
Sometimes entire meals may be obtained in this manner. Travelers should
also become familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein
sources available enroute to their destination. If restaurants must be
utilized, travelers should seek places offering "all you can eat" salad
bars. This will be especially cost effective for employees traveling
together, as a single plate could be used to feed an entire group.
Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on company
business. Cans of tuna, Spam, Pork-n-Beans, Beef-a-Roni, etc. can be
conveniently consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of
heating or other costly preparation.
Entertainment:
Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged as part of the
new Corporate Travel Budget cuts. If such extravagances are required on
customer contacts, the customer should be encouraged to "pick up the
tab". Such action will save the company money, and will convince the
customers that we are concerned about providing a good product, not
spending money on useless frivolities.
The hospitality provided to customers who visit our facilities should
also be tasteful, yet cost effective. In lieu of extravagant dinners, a
picnic bench will be provided in the parking lot, next to the dumpster,
and a garden hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can
be furnished to our guests.
Miscellaneous:
All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our
team effort to save corporate budget dollars. One enterprising
individual has
already suggested that money raised during airport layover periods
could be used to defray travel costs. Tips can be earned by helping
others with their luggage. Also, when in a restaurant don't forget to
pick up things like packs of sugar and packaged condiments for our
company cafeteria.
New York * Rome
* Los Angeles * Tokyo
*BC : Bean Counting
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