Overheard
on your favorite airlines:
"Welcome aboard! To operate your seat belt, insert the
metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like
every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one,
you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the
event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love
more."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 was out of this airplane."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the
event of a water landing, please take them with our
compliments."
"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about
as you wish, but please stay inside the plane until we land . .
. it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it
affects the flight pattern."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more
than we do!"
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all you
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
among the crew. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane has to clean it!"
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
And, the next time you get an insane urge to go blasting through
the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of
us."
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