Aging
with humor
Just before the
funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. Two years older than me."
"So you're
96," the undertaker commented.
She responded,
"Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do
you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter
asked.
She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject
to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor
circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank
God, I still have my driver's license!
I feel like my body
has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission
to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped
up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got
my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart?" the
preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
Then I'll be sure my
daughters visit me twice a week."
My memory's not as
sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it
used to be.
Know how to prevent
sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee
maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
"For fast
relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you stop laughing.
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