Aging with humor
Just before the funeral
services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker
commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth
going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer
pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!
I feel like my body has gotten
totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness
club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for
seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to
prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
Then I'll be sure my daughters
visit me twice a week."
My memory's not as sharp as it
used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee
maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.
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