AAADD. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder... What exactly is Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder? This is how it goes:
I decide to wash the car. I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to wash the car...but first, I'm going to go through the mail.
I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail...and notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on the desk and take the trash out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.
Now where is the checkbook? Oops...there's only one check left. My extra checks are in the desk. As I start looking for the checks, I see the coke I was drinking sitting on the desk...I'm going to look for those checks...
But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer...oh, maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while...I head toward the kitchen and the plants catch my eye, they need some water...I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! there's my glasses...I was looking for them all morning! I'm pretty sure I really don't have age activated attention deficit disorder.
I'd better put the glasses away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flowerpots-Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.
I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do...!!??!! And it's NOT an aging disorder, or deficit, or anything like that, I think.
t's the end of the day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys!
When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder is a serious condition and I'd better get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.
One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Being curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence. When he looks in, someone pokes him in the eyes.
And then everyone in the asylum changes their chant. Now are are shouting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
A group of Canadians was traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced.
She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats that aren't producing?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours.
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.
"Thank God we can all still drive."
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