The Origin of Abraham.com

How did the world wide web get started? Despite the modern urban legend that Al Gore invented the internet, it actually has ancient roots. The Biblical Abraham, father of the nation of Israel, was an inventive fellow. He was a very successful camel, sheep, and commodities trader. The Story of Abraham and His Wife Dot, and how they started the dot com craze.

Abraham.com Family Origin

An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked up to a stone pulpit and said, “And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham.Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.”

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

camel teeth

Abraham.com Begins

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, can we do that dear?

And Dot replied,

“I will place drums in all the towns (and drums in between the towns) to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply, telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.

hand drums

Abraham.com Expands and Grows

Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land.

And, indeed, he did insist on making drums that would work only if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks. And Dot said, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.

And, as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, “eBay”, he said, “We need a name that reflects what we are,”

And Dot replied,

"Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

Oh, mmmmm, “Whoopee!”, said Abraham.

“No, YAHOO!” said Dot Com.

. . . and that is how the world wide web all began.

Children Explain the Bible and History

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread,which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the Bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battle fields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

roman soldier

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.

On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.This ruined Booth's career.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian,and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.




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